"You Suck": The Words That Stick Forever
I could see it in their eyes. The parents standing before me weren’t just hearing the story—I could tell they were feeling it. The weight of two words that had likely been thrown around casually in their own childhoods, words that had been etched deep into their kids' hearts.
"You suck."
It’s said so often in passing, on playgrounds and practice fields, in huddles and heat-of-the-moment exchanges. But for the one who hears it, the impact lingers far beyond the final whistle. What starts as a comment about a missed shot, a dropped ball, or a bad game becomes something far more dangerous: a belief about who they are at their core.
Because sports aren’t just about wins and losses. They aren’t about stats, highlight reels, or Instagram-worthy moments. The real measure of success isn’t the medal at the end of the tournament—it’s whether a child walks away knowing they are more than the game they play.
But for many young athletes, that’s not the takeaway. Instead, they step off the court or field carrying an invisible weight, running a race they never signed up for—one where they spend their entire lives trying to prove wrong the people who once told them they weren’t good enough.
The problem? That finish line is always moving. And when your identity is built on someone else’s opinion, you’ll never outrun the fear of failing them.
So, what happens when these words take root? And how do we help our kids break free from the grip of shame and self-doubt?
“I Don’t Want to Play Anymore”
There’s no fine print in the sign-up sheet for youth sports warning parents about the conversations they’ll have to navigate.
Conversations about teammates who tear each other down instead of building each other up.
Conversations about coaches who don’t see past performance to the person standing in front of them.
Conversations about a child who once loved the game but now dreads stepping onto the field.
That’s exactly what these parents were dealing with.
“My teammates don’t like me. They show it after every play. My coaches don’t help me or do anything about it. Why would I want to go to the game if I know this is what I’m walking into? It’s not fun anymore.”
We talk so much about the pressure kids face today, but do we really understand it? Do we really see the weight they carry?
Because it’s not just about playing well—
It’s about being enough.
It’s about proving themselves.
It’s about making their parents proud.
And when the reactions of others don’t reflect their success, young athletes don’t just feel like they failed at a task—they feel like they are a failure.
"I didn’t do well. That must mean I’m not good enough."
That’s the danger of these two words. They wrap their tentacles around a child’s heart and don’t let go.
And when their motivation becomes proving people wrong, every time they fall short, it only proves them right.
The Voices That Matter
The bigger your child’s world gets, the more voices they’ll hear. The more voices they hear, the greater the chance that some will take root in ways they were never meant to.
As a parent, I’ve learned that I need to know what voices are speaking into my kid’s life. I need to know what is being reinforced—whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Because here’s the truth about leadership: it’s not about a title, it’s about influence.
And influence can build up or tear down. It can shape or shatter.
We love to talk about leadership in positive terms, but the reality is that there are more bad leaders than good ones. More people leading others toward insecurity, fear, and self-doubt than toward confidence, growth, and character.
So how do we make sure the right voices are winning?
When a Coach Changes Everything
Thankfully, there are still good coaches out there. And sometimes, one coach can change everything.
There’s a saying: “Never underestimate the power of a good coach.”
I couldn’t agree more.
A coach’s primary job isn’t to rack up wins—it’s to build up people.
A great coach doesn’t just teach skills; they instill belief. They step into the mess. They recognize the greater purpose they serve.
That’s exactly what happened here.
The coach saw what was happening and stepped in. She didn’t turn a blind eye. She didn’t let negativity run the culture. She became the voice of encouragement in a sea of criticism.
She saw that her role wasn’t just to lead a team. It was to speak life into kids who were drowning in self-doubt.
And that changed everything.
How to Be the Voice That Overpowers the Noise
As parents, mentors, and coaches, we have a choice. We can let the loudest voices define our kids—or we can make sure they hear something different.
Here’s how:
Separate Performance from Identity.
Reinforce that success isn’t about a scoreboard—it’s about growth, effort, and character.
Praise resilience, not just results.
Pay Attention to the Voices They’re Hearing.
Who is speaking into your child’s life?
Are their coaches, teammates, and influencers building them up or breaking them down?
Be Their Safe Place.
Your words matter more than you think. Make sure they hear from you that they are loved, valued, and enough—no matter what.
Encourage Coaches to Lead with Purpose.
A great coach can change a child’s entire experience.
Support and encourage those who see beyond the game and invest in who these kids are becoming.
Sports are meant to shape kids into who they were created to be—not to break them down into who the world tells them they aren’t.
And if we’re intentional, we can make sure that when they step off the field, they walk away with something far more valuable than a trophy.
They’ll walk away knowing they were always enough.
Let’s Have the Conversation You’ve Never Had Before
I have conversations like this every single day. If you’re a coach, parent, or player struggling with this exact thing, don’t do it alone. Let’s have a conversation you’ve never had before about something you’ve always needed to talk about.
Reach out—because this is too important to leave unspoken.
